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share your math jokes!

topic posted Tue, March 21, 2006 - 7:50 PM by  Sam 		Share/Save/Bookmark
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q: what do you get when you cross a sherpa and a mountain goat?
a: nothing. you can't cross two scalars.

bwah hahahaha! o man, i'm such a dork. but i love math jokes! here's another that i'm sure you've all heard:

e^x goes to a party where a bunch of other functions are hanging out and having a good time, but e^x is just sitting in the corner looking miserable. after awhile, another function comes over to e^x and says "hey man! what are you doing over here moping? why do you integrate yourself into the party and have a little fun?" and e^x says "i can't! i've tried integrating myself over and over and it never seems to make any difference!"
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Sam
offline Sam
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  • Zena
    Zena
    offline 3

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Sun, March 26, 2006 - 11:23 PM
    I just heard this one. On the same lines as your joke.

    A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

    One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!" but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"

    The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

    To which the mathematician exclaimed, "Yeah, but I'm d/dy!"...and poof, the new patient was gone!
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  • Tom
    Tom
    offline 23

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Mon, March 27, 2006 - 7:16 AM
    Two mathematicians are in a restaurant, bemoaning the fact that the general public knows so little about mathematics. One is totally pessimistic, but the other thinks there's some hope.

    Eventually the pessimist goes to the bathroom and while he's gone, the optimist brings over the waitress, who's a vacant-eyed blonde (oops! maybe this is a blonde joke). He hands her $10 and says, "When my friend comes back, I'll call you to the table, and I'll ask you a question. Just answer 'log x' and there's another $10 in it for you."

    The friend returns, and the guy says, "You know, I think the general public DOES know more math than you think. I'll bet you $100 that the blonde waitress can integrate 1/x." Of course the other guy accepts, the waitress is brought over, and she's asked, "What is the integral of 1/x?"

    She answers, "log x", then pauses, and adds, "plus an arbitrary constant."
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  • Sam
    Sam
    offline 13

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Mon, March 27, 2006 - 7:33 PM
    haha... this is great! i was worried that no one would post and i'd be alone in my search for math humor, but you've all restored my faith in the absolute Awesome-ness of math nerds.
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  • Denny
    Denny
    offline 14

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Thu, June 29, 2006 - 11:40 PM
    Q: Why did the number get mad at his wife?
    A: Because she was being irrational

    Q: Why couldn't the negative pair square things away?
    A: Because they had complex issues!

    Q: Why did the husband join a buddhist cult?
    A: Because he had a transcendental experience

    Q: Did you hear about the hippy mathematician?
    A: Yeah, he likes to keep it natural

    Q: Why did the mathematician's pen run out of ink?
    A: Because he was writing in recursive

    Q: What did the circumference of the circle say to its diameter?
    A: Hey, do you wanna share some of my pi?!

    Q: Why did the two vectors start an internet-based company?
    A: Because they thought they had a good dot product

    Q: Why was the number zero fired?
    A: Because he didn't add any value to the company

    Q: Why didn't the math student get the new car?
    A: Because he couldn't find anybody to cosine

    AND I CAN KEEP GOING FOREVER! I AM INFINITE LAME MATH JOKE GUY!
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  • Bobs
    Bobs
    offline 95

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Thu, March 1, 2007 - 12:30 AM
    Weights and measures
    Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo pi

    2000 pounds of Chinese soup = won ton

    1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

    Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

    Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

    Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong

    365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 lite year

    16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

    Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

    1000 aches = 1 kilohurtz

    Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

    Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line.

    453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

    1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

    1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

    2000 mockingbirds = Two kilomockingbirds

    10 cards = 1 decacards

    1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

    1000 cubic centimeters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

    1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

    1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

    10 rations = 1 decoration

    100 rations = 1 C-ration

    3 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
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  • drock
    drock
    offline 0

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Thu, August 9, 2007 - 7:03 PM
    come on everybody let's pull together and make some new math jokes.we have to work together. you know what they say "there is no square root of -1 in team. and don't forget to show your teamwork.
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    • Larry
      Larry
      offline 9

      Re: share your math jokes!

      Thu, August 9, 2007 - 10:00 PM
      I hope that this isn't too off-topic. A bumper sticker that I'd like to see: Chemists do it under constant pressure!
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      • Jason
        Jason
        offline 35

        Re: share your math jokes!

        Fri, August 10, 2007 - 2:38 PM
        Why is the number 10 afraid of seven?

        -- because seven ate nine.
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        • Jason
          Jason
          offline 35

          Re: share your math jokes!

          Fri, August 10, 2007 - 3:29 PM
          What do you call it when a pirates parrot says "Pieces of Nine, Pieces of Nine"?



          A parroty error!
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          • Unsu...
             

            Re: share your math jokes!

            Sun, August 12, 2007 - 5:09 PM
            this is perhaps more mystical than mathematical.... but then that's a relative opinion....

            two mystics sat down in meditation when one sits up and says... "did you hear about the God without a creation?"

            the other says.. " Na, tell me more"

            "Ah" says the first, "He was nothing"

            or in maths jargon.... 0 = 1

            regards

            GM23
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  • Jorge
    Jorge
    offline 4

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Sat, August 18, 2007 - 6:12 PM
    Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?

    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...............................
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  • Tom
    Tom
    offline 23

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Sun, August 19, 2007 - 6:37 PM
    Here's a new one, to me at least:

    A Russian mathematician goes into his friend's office early one morning and they start talking math. They talk and talk and talk and time goes on and on and finally the friend says, "I'm getting hungry. How about we continue this conversation over lunch?"

    The guy agrees, so they're off to a long, long lunch with plenty of food and vodka, but especially lots more math conversation. They return to the office and go on in the same way all afternoon and they suddenly realize that it's past 8 pm. The friend says, "You know, I'm getting really hungry again. Maybe we should continue this over dinner?"

    The visitor thinks for a minute and answers, "No....I'd better not. My wife's waiting for me in the car."
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    • Craig
      Craig
      offline 23

      Re: share your math jokes!

      Sun, August 19, 2007 - 6:45 PM
      Oldie but goodie:

      A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

      The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."

      "...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.

      "Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."
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      • Jason
        Jason
        offline 35

        Re: share your math jokes!

        Thu, November 8, 2007 - 10:49 PM
        This is a great!

        www.metacafe.com/watch/272...ematician/
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        • BiteMe
          BiteMe
          offline 117

          Re: share your math jokes!

          Wed, December 5, 2007 - 12:50 PM
          that must be the "new math" I've heard so much about <g>
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          • Bobs
            Bobs
            offline 95

            Re: share your math jokes!

            Sat, December 8, 2007 - 10:20 AM
            Stolen from another tribe posting:


            Sadly not a million miles from the truth


            50 years of teaching maths:

            Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in the teaching math since the 1950s...


            1. Teaching Math In 1950s

            A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?



            2. Teaching Math In 1960s

            A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?



            3. Teaching Math In 1970s

            A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?



            4. Teaching Math In 1980s

            A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.




            5. Teaching Math In 1990s

            A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )




            6. Teaching Math In 2007

            Un hachero vende una carretada de madera para $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
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            • yoga...
              yogamoon
              offline 575

              Re: share your math jokes!

              Sun, August 24, 2008 - 1:54 PM
              Ok BOBs, it s funny, but I have been teaching math recently and we do math.
              In the 2000's its:

              A logger sells his wood for $100.00. His profit is 4/5 of the sale. After paying for gas to and from the forest he is behind by 38.00.
              How much was gas?
              How can he make a profit next time? list and describe 4 ways. I f you were he what woudl you do?
              Note: if you suggest getting anothe rjob instead of being a logger hwo much would your college or other trade school cost and hav eyou completed the financial aid forms yet?
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      • Mamm...
        Mammy Tammy
        offline 3

        Re: share your math jokes!

        Thu, February 28, 2008 - 11:24 AM
        A physicist, chemist and mathematician are marooned on a dessert island with no food for days. Suddenly, a large can of beef stew washes up on the shore. The physicist immediately goes looking for a mechanical device to open the can. The chemist goes looking for a substance that migt get it open. Meanwhile, the mathematician picks up the can, studies it for a moment, the says "Assum the can is open."

        When I worked at a junior college years ago, some of the profs would jokingly insult each other with phrases like "sin u, cotan u and pi over 2 to your wife" ... etc.

        We'd also leave each other notes such as Y? with response Yo (why not?)
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        • yoga...
          yogamoon
          offline 575

          Re: share your math jokes!

          Sat, October 18, 2008 - 6:24 AM
          ok Mamm, you didn't complete your joke.
          An elementary schoool reading specialist..(like myself) would look over the can and find a flip top tab and open it. Then divide the food very carefully after making sure no one had a food allergy to anything detailed on th elist of ingredients!
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      • Radha
        Radha
        offline 0

        Re: share your math jokes!

        Tue, September 1, 2009 - 7:15 PM
        hmmm... as an engineer... we would probably assume sperical etc... for moment of inertia calcs.... maybe not identical....

        dang... i just dont get this one....
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  • kath...
    katherine
    offline 0

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Fri, January 30, 2009 - 12:13 PM
    A definite integral walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "Whoa there buddy, don't you think that's enough?"
    To which the integral responds, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know my limits"
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    • sisp...
      sispille
      offline 30

      Re: share your math jokes!

      Sat, April 4, 2009 - 10:14 AM
      on a similar note:

      An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician orders a beer, the second one orders just half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer and so on. After a while of this the bartender gets annoyed, slams two full beers on the bar and says, "Ok, guys, you have hit your limit!"
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  • Cuin...
    Cuindless
    online 35

    Re: share your math jokes!

    Thu, June 4, 2009 - 4:39 PM
    I just joined this tribe, and am liking what I read so far. Here's my favorite mathematics/mathematician joke:

    A mathematics professor became frustrated and tired of his job at a local university, so he sought a position at a local fire department. After reading his resume and submitting him to a physical, the fire chief decided to take a risk and hire the mathematician who was now nearing 40. But first, he decided to test the mathematician.

    Walking him out into the back alley, the fire chief asked the mathematician, "Okay, you're walking through this alleyway when you see that dumpster on fire. What do you do?"

    Looking around, the mathematician sees a fire extinguisher and says, "Oh! I put out the fire with that fire extinguisher."

    "Good, good." Says the fire chief, "Okay, now you're walking through this alleyway and the dumpster ISN'T on fire. What do you do?"

    After thinking about it for a few seconds, the mathematician replies, "I set the dumpster on fire."

    "WHAT?!" exclaims the fire chief, "WHY?!?"

    "Simple. When possible, reduce the problem to one that I've already solved."
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